Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Utz Organic Seven Whole Grains Pretzel Sticks Bag Volume Update
My current bag of Utz Organic Seven Whole Grains Pretzel Sticks doesn't have nearly as many pretzel sticks in it as my last bag of Utz Organic Seven Whole Grains Pretzel Sticks did.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tony Soprano and Me
Tony Soprano
My fingers are bleeding. I should have shot him. Fuck piano wire. Fuck this secrecy shit. If anyone had any balls the whole world would act like I do.
Me
God damnit, man! Look at those creases! I literally almost cut my fingers. Why do they need to use an industrial-strength plastic ring to fix a tag onto a 2-ply, 100% cotton, J-Crew button-down shirt (size small)? It's fucking insanity.
My fingers are bleeding. I should have shot him. Fuck piano wire. Fuck this secrecy shit. If anyone had any balls the whole world would act like I do.
Me
God damnit, man! Look at those creases! I literally almost cut my fingers. Why do they need to use an industrial-strength plastic ring to fix a tag onto a 2-ply, 100% cotton, J-Crew button-down shirt (size small)? It's fucking insanity.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Then and Now
17-Year-Old Me
Diarrhea? FUCK! I hope I'm not coming down with something. Jeff Hillman's getting a few kegs on Saturday and Lucy's going to be there and I definitely would've hooked up with her last week if Alan knew how to take a hint -- why would he ever come with us to smoke weed in the car? Who fucking does that? Why didn't I make make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? Why did I have to make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? I can't fuck this up two weeks in a row.
Should I stay home from school so I can... nah, Mom probably won't let me out tomorrow if I stay home today. Better just drink a bunch of orange juice and take some vitamin C and not go too crazy in gym...FUCK! It's the playoffs! No way am I letting Derek beat me. He thinks I'm not any good just cause I'm white, even though Mr. McCombs told him to his face that I was the best player in class. I'm going to spike one right on his fucking dome. I can't believe that asshole wears a glove. Who wears a fucking glove for volleyball? He's probably gay, too.
Man I hope this diarrhea is a fluke.
27-Year-Old Me
Two solid stools in a row? Alright! Who's a big boy eating his vegetables? YOU'RE A BIG BOY EATING HIS VEGETABLES!
But seriously, nice work man. Healthy stools mean a healthy body. Healthy body means death is more unlikely. More confident around women, too. I think those crunches are also starting to have an effect. Might see an ab or two soon if I'm not careful. Watch out, ladies.
Speaking of being healthy, I think I'm going to pick up some broccoli on the way home. I wouldn't mind the price at the organic store if they didn't make you buy 8 feet of stalk with each piece of broccoli. I'm paying more for the fucking stalk than I am for the head. It's complete horseshit.
What else do I need? Eggs, orange juice, pretzels...running low on tuna I think. A few apples if they don't look too skanky. That C-Town really is a ghetto piece of shit. It's a damn shame. Give the people in the hood a chance!
Is today the day I buy roach traps and a new shower liner? Yeah, I think it's time. Does that 99 cent store only take cash?
Diarrhea? FUCK! I hope I'm not coming down with something. Jeff Hillman's getting a few kegs on Saturday and Lucy's going to be there and I definitely would've hooked up with her last week if Alan knew how to take a hint -- why would he ever come with us to smoke weed in the car? Who fucking does that? Why didn't I make make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? Why did I have to make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? I can't fuck this up two weeks in a row.
Should I stay home from school so I can... nah, Mom probably won't let me out tomorrow if I stay home today. Better just drink a bunch of orange juice and take some vitamin C and not go too crazy in gym...FUCK! It's the playoffs! No way am I letting Derek beat me. He thinks I'm not any good just cause I'm white, even though Mr. McCombs told him to his face that I was the best player in class. I'm going to spike one right on his fucking dome. I can't believe that asshole wears a glove. Who wears a fucking glove for volleyball? He's probably gay, too.
Man I hope this diarrhea is a fluke.
27-Year-Old Me
Two solid stools in a row? Alright! Who's a big boy eating his vegetables? YOU'RE A BIG BOY EATING HIS VEGETABLES!
But seriously, nice work man. Healthy stools mean a healthy body. Healthy body means death is more unlikely. More confident around women, too. I think those crunches are also starting to have an effect. Might see an ab or two soon if I'm not careful. Watch out, ladies.
Speaking of being healthy, I think I'm going to pick up some broccoli on the way home. I wouldn't mind the price at the organic store if they didn't make you buy 8 feet of stalk with each piece of broccoli. I'm paying more for the fucking stalk than I am for the head. It's complete horseshit.
What else do I need? Eggs, orange juice, pretzels...running low on tuna I think. A few apples if they don't look too skanky. That C-Town really is a ghetto piece of shit. It's a damn shame. Give the people in the hood a chance!
Is today the day I buy roach traps and a new shower liner? Yeah, I think it's time. Does that 99 cent store only take cash?
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Rejected New York Post Headlines
Oh, The Hu-Manning-ty!
Yankees Jeter Up a Win
Home, Sweet Isiah Thomas
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