Why Hello There, Giant Splotch of White Paint

You're looking quite unsightly today, aren't you? I mean, you've really been spilled all over the place! The sidewalk, the street. You've gotta be what, 10, 15 feet long? Maybe 6 feet wide? Nicely done. I'm serious. That's impressive. Really, truly impressive. You are a tremendous eye sore and you should be proud of yourself.

Aaaaanyway, I noticed that you appeared without explanation the other day, and I just wanted to stop by and welcome you to the neighborhood!

My name's Aldous Gooch and I live right next door in the apartment building with all the senior citizens and orthodox Jews. Some of them might not take kindly to you at first, as you're a little different than the rest of us, but I think you'll make a lovely addition to the neighborhood, you inexplicable explosion of white paint, you. Say, you are white paint, aren't you? Lord knows I've been wrong about this sort of thing before.

You are? Great. That's just great. I think you and me are gonna get along just fine. If you ever need to borrow a leaf or maybe a dried up piece of bloody scalp to get stuck in you, please don't hesitate to stop by. I'm in the apartment between the lady who always puts her cat in the hallway and the family who's had the same cheap, plastic Happy Birthday banner hanging from their door for the past month and a half.

Anyway, it was real nice to meet you, filthy white splotch, but I've got to run. I'm running a little late for work. You take care, alright?

Alright.