Nah, Nah, Nah, That's Bullshit. That's Bullshit.

What they should really do is make one of those Mister Rogers episodes where they go to a factory and see how that shit's made, right? Only in this episode, they take your ass inside a match factory.

I'm tellin' you, son. That shit'd be dope.

Nah, Nah, Nah. I'm tellin you. That shit'd be way better than that crayon episode.

First they gotta make all those tiny little sticks, right? But you know that shit don't grow on trees, son. All perfect and square and uniform and shit. You gotta chop that shit up. So first of all you've got some massive fucking buzz saw in there. Or even better, some fuckin ridiculous contraption that's got like a million teeth in it that just spits out fuckin matches by the ass load. Just fuckin huge wooden boards flying into that shit like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! ZZZZZZZZZZ! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!And the workers probably have some stupid fuckin  nickname for it like Jaws or The Widow Maker, right?

So now you've got like a million fuckin matches flying down some conveyor belt like, twisting and turning and shit, making their way to the other end of the factory where they gotta get dried out, right? Why you gotta dry em out? Is you fuckin stupid, son? You ain't never seen that American Chopper shit? When you got a huge fuckin saw like that you gotta pour water on it constantly or that shit'll burst into flames. You gotta make sure you don't light those fuckin' matches on fire, son. That's their product right there. Besides, that'd be some shit, wouldn't it? A fucking match factory goin down in flames? Anyway, I bet they gotta dry off all those wet matches with some big ass fan or something. Maybe they even put em in some industrial sized oven with huge fucking flames and shit.

But the best part -- I'm tellin you son -- the best part would be when they get the red shit on the tips. How the fuck do they get that red shit on the tips? That's the shit I really wanna see. Do they dip the matches in some huge fucking vat of liquefied red shit? Do they pour liquefied red shit all over em, like when they dribble chocolate sauce on cookies in a factory? You never seen that episode of Sesame Street where they go to a cookie factory? I bet these match making assholes convert old cookie factories into match factories cause they know they can just switch the icing machine up real easy. Just fill that shit up with red shit and bam, you're fuckin set. It's like when a Chinese place closes, you know the next place that opens is just gonna be another fuckin Chinese place. You can only make Chinese food in a special Chinese kitchen, so it's just one Chinese place after another, all in the same location. They've got like extra-wide stoves for their woks and shit.

Or maybe they put the matches in like, little ice trays filled with the red shit then freeze em?

Oh oh oh! Or maybe the tips come pre made, and then they stick em on the matches somehow. I didn't even think of that shit. That shit'd be crazy.

And I bet you they make matches with different colored tips in the same place. Economy of scale, you know? You don't know what economy of scale is, you ignorant motherfucker? It means the more shit you sell the more money you make. You need to go to class, you dumb bastard.

Anyway, I'm tellin' you they definitely make all those matches in one place. The kitchen matches and the matchbooks and the funny colored ones you get in restaurants or whatever. So you'd see all the red and blue and green matches flyin' all around the conveyor belts. Just like whooooooosh. Huge fucking rainbow of matches flying right by your fucking face. I'm tellin you, shit'd be just like that crayon factory episode, only doper, cause crayons aren't fuckin dangerous.

Then at the end of the episode you'd see a bunch of funny looking midwestern geriatric motherfuckers wearing those thick-ass canvas gloves, stuffing all those matches in boxes at the end of the line and shit.

That shit'd be dope, son.

Yeah, I'd watch that shit..