Then and Now

17-Year-Old Me
Diarrhea? FUCK! I hope I'm not coming down with something. Jeff Hillman's getting a few kegs on Saturday and Lucy's going to be there and I definitely would've hooked up with her last week if Alan knew how to take a hint -- why would he ever come with us to smoke weed in the car? Who fucking does that? Why didn't I make make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? Why did I have to make it more clear I didn't want him to tag along? I can't fuck this up two weeks in a row.

Should I stay home from school so I can... nah, Mom probably won't let me out tomorrow if I stay home today. Better just drink a bunch of orange juice and take some vitamin C and not go too crazy in gym...FUCK! It's the playoffs! No way am I letting Derek beat me. He thinks I'm not any good just cause I'm white, even though Mr. McCombs told him to his face that I was the best player in class. I'm going to spike one right on his fucking dome. I can't believe that asshole wears a glove. Who wears a fucking glove for volleyball? He's probably gay, too.

Man I hope this diarrhea is a fluke.

27-Year-Old Me
Two solid stools in a row? Alright! Who's a big boy eating his vegetables? YOU'RE A BIG BOY EATING HIS VEGETABLES!

But seriously, nice work man. Healthy stools mean a healthy body. Healthy body means death is more unlikely. More confident around women, too. I think those crunches are also starting to have an effect. Might see an ab or two soon if I'm not careful. Watch out, ladies.

Speaking of being healthy, I think I'm going to pick up some broccoli on the way home. I wouldn't mind the price at the organic store if they didn't make you buy 8 feet of stalk with each piece of broccoli. I'm paying more for the fucking stalk than I am for the head. It's complete horseshit.

What else do I need? Eggs, orange juice, pretzels...running low on tuna I think. A few apples if they don't look too skanky. That C-Town really is a ghetto piece of shit. It's a damn shame. Give the people in the hood a chance!

Is today the day I buy roach traps and a new shower liner? Yeah, I think it's time. Does that 99 cent store only take cash?